I AM ME!!!!

Okay, I didn't forget about you, but last week was very hectic. My daughter had pneumonia and I had to nurse her back to health. I'm learning so much about myself during this time. My core is the same but there are so many changes happening within and around me. First, I was raised by my parents to be very loving and caring. Second, I was also raised to be fearless and to fight for my dreams and beliefs. My mother taught me to be loving, patient, and kind amongst other things and my father taught me to brave and to know when to fight for what I want in life.

With this combination you have the wonderful makeup of the woman who is present today, which is ME! If I had a dime or a nickel every time someone told me how confident I am and they wish they could be this confident, I'd be a rich woman right now. I'm not being cocky but I am making a point, stick with me. You have to understand that though I openly discuss my insecurities with my body and my struggle with FOOD, I was taught to love myself regardless of what imperfections I may have. This was powerful for me but I didn't realize it until I was grown, exactly what my parents had instilled in me.

No one is perfect, at least no one I know. We all have things about ourselves that we want to change. However, I have more things about myself that I like than the things I don't. I AM ME.... Period. Wonderfully made and happy about who I've turned out to be and who I'm becoming. When I write I understand that I'm not writing just for myself, I'm writing for every other person who has experienced things that they want to change in their lives about themselves. The key to any change is first excepting the current things in your life and appreciating where you are.

As you know I have tried everything on the market, I'm almost like a Guinea pig lol. I have these hypnosis Cd's and in them the coach explains that you have to appreciate and love the body you are in because ultimately that is the same body you will be in when you do loose weight. You have to love all those curves and lumps lol. Now that was hard, because I have always looked at the changes I wanted rather than what I loved about my body. Changing the perception of my body has made the difference for me.  I love myself whether I'm tall or short and big or small. I AM ME!!!!

”I haven’t failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” - Thomas Edison

Eating my stress!!!!!

Okay so yesterday I wasn't able to talk you all because my daughter is sick with pneumonia (insert sad face). She's doing a little better now. With that added stress and worry I think we all know what I turned to, yep that tasty demon; FOOD! I mean really Charmaine, here we go again. It wasn't horrible but I did eat some greasy fast food that I didn't need. I'm an emotional eater. With this blog I try to show how much of a struggle it is to conquer food addiction and weight loss.

Moving right along, I have to say that you are going to fall and hit bumps in the road because no one is perfect. You just have to want your dream or vision more than temporary desires. I want to inspire the world and change lives but I know I have to do that for myself first. There isn't always going to be a blueprint so sometimes we have to create our own structure and start from there.

I ate my stress yesterday and at the time it tasted soooo good. It wasn't until after I got done that I realized what I'm doing to body and health. Same story over and over and over again.

Anyway, I'm tired of even talking about it now. Let's change the tone somewhat. I'm a very independent person and I'm usually the last one who will ask anyone for anything and I've just learned over the past few months that life will put you in positions where you need to depend on others. It's very humbling but I have learned what my mother has told me for years and that is; you can't live in this world alone. So true, that's a wise woman. I just have so much love and concern for the people that have been there for me through the good and the bad. Life is no bed of roses but when you have great people around you lifting you up constantly it does make a huge difference.

I have the support and encouragement to conquer all obstacles in my life. The question is now will I actually use it.

Back By Popular Demand!!!!!

Okay, okay, okay. I know it's been months since I left you with a post. I'm back now!!!! With a little nudge from friend/sis we're back in business. Wow, so much has happened since I've been away. I first have to say thank you for the emails and the requests to start back blogging. It means more to me than you know. So thank you to my followers and the people that have been faithful to me. Just like usual I have a lot to say and yes, I still have the same struggle....OBESITY!!!!!!!!!! Yeah I'm yelling, because it would feel so good to have conquered this little demon by now. Life has so many different obstacles and challenges that we all have to face. You may not struggle with your weight but I'm sure you have something because we all do.

Life has truly humbled me and I've experienced so much that my emotions have been all over the place. You all know me I'm very candid and say exactly what I think especially when it pertains to me. If you have followed the blog you know that I'm an emotional eater. The greatest to the smallest thing can trigger these emotions and I'm back craving all that demonized delicious food lol. You all also know that I'm just a tiny little bit dramatic.

Here's today's story. I had an epiphany tonight. I want to live out loud and not be afraid of all the what ifs in life??? Why not just loose weight and go do the things you know will bring you fulfillment?? I wish it were that easy but I'm fighting again and it is definitely a FIGHT. So it's 8:15 p.m and I've already eaten dinner which was a chicken sandwich and I don't know why I thought that would satisfy me without any vegetables or sides. Anyhow, I got hungry (go figure) and I decided that the quickest thing to fix would be some popcorn shrimp. My taste buds were ready!! As soon as I picked up the bag that little loud voice said WAIT!!! Why not just eat some fruits and veggies? So without hesitations I'm eating the fruit and really enjoying it, but now I'm done and something in me although I'm not hungry, still wants that damn shrimp. Sorry to be so blunt but this is real!!

I immediately stopped to identify the emotions I was feeling that I had ignored as I normally do and I realized that at that very moment I felt lonely, unaccomplished, and a little depressed. WOW!! I hadn't even taken the time to completely identify what I was feeling. Immediately, I acknowledged those emotions and I regained control over myself. What a feeling, knowing that maybe with a little hard work and fight. I can conquer this monster that is trying to claim and steal my life.

No more hoping and wishing it's time for the hard facts and I'm facing them one meal at a time. I'm back and it feels good to live again. Breath by breath and meal by meal it's my time and I'm ready. The question is, is the world ready for me?? Ready or not here I come new and improved!!

DANGER!!!!!!

It's no secret that both of my parents are diabetics. My mother has had major problems with her eyesight as a result of this. On April 6th(Good Friday), she had an appointment with her eye doctor. The doctor's office is an hour away in Little Rock. The day started out great it was beautiful outside. To put the icing on the cake my mom got a great report that her eyes had shown improvement and were actually healing themselves. Wow!! No surgery!! This was such a blessing.

As we do all the time on these trips back home we were talking and laughing thanking God for His blessings. To paint the picture of what happened next I have to give you all of the information. Those of you from Arkansas know the drive from Little Rock to Arkadelphia on I-30. It's a two lane interstate. Well, I'm driving on the right side and on the left side a white truck is passing us. Now this truck is right by my drivers side door. Out of no where I feel a little bump of wind and it's a black car that had to be going at least a 100 mph pass in between us and the white truck. Logically there was no way to explain that car having enough room to fit through that tiny space.

Clearly, I'm stunned and so is my mother. That car could have easily hit us and had us in a ditch. My mother says call 911 but the car was no where to be found. So we continue to drive and about four miles up there the car was in a ditch flipped upside down. Debris was everywhere and traffic was at a stand still. I'm not sure if this individual was drunk or high. We never found out. I do know that I had just prayed for safety and protection over myself, family, and friends. I felt it so strong I even wrote it on my Facebook page while I was waiting on my mom.

People are always debating if God is still working miracles. I and my mother are living proof that yes HE is!! Like I said earlier logically the policeman that interviewed us said he just couldn't understand how first the car got through that narrow opening and second didn't hit us. I've never been that close to death but on that day something so spectacular happened that only God, my mother and I will ever fully understand. It was so powerful the protection that God had shielded us with. I cried the whole way home. Then got home and cried some more.

Everyday we make choices. Everyday we have to live with those choices. Danger is always all around us. Follow your gut feeling whatever it may be. This event definitely made me stop and think about the danger I put myself in everyday. Of course you know for me that danger is being overweight. As I reflect I see that my life has a strong purpose and so does yours. Not All-State, StateFarm, or GEICO can provide the coverage and safety that God has for all HIS children!!!

Fat & Fabulous= FATABULOUS!!!!!!!

Today I just feel ummmm... what's the word I'm looking for? FABULOUS!!! Sure, we could argue that I should feel like this everyday but hey I don't. Today I'm on top of the world and I couldn't feel any better. I got back on track from the last time we talked lol (insert side wink). It always changes my mood when I'm taking care of myself. Ladies, NEVER let anyone try to make you feel like you aren't the queen that you are! I know life can get hectic, trust me I'm the captain of team busy/hectic. If I went through a normal day's schedule you wouldn't believe it and I still take time to show you all some love! Yeah I'm tooting my own horn...Beep Beep! We have to sometimes and there is nothing wrong with realizing exactly how fabulous you are at ANY size.

You have to keep positive people around you and surround yourself with people who encourage and support you. That's one of the first keys to being fabulous. Don't have people around you who are constantly dragging your spirit down and have nothing positive to speak in your life. There are times where you have no other choice but to surround yourself with people who are like this and when it happens go in your zone and tune the negativity out. Being fabulous is not all about looks it's about a feeling. I've never waited for anyone to tell me that I was this or that. I simply know what I am for myself. I have a very positive self-esteem as you can see. Everyday I'm working on my fabulousness and yes I know that's not a real word lol! I think everyone is special and deserves to feel that they have purpose.

We have to strive for more and want more for our OWN lives, no one else can want it for you. I don't mind saying that I'm fat and being very boisterous with it. I have as of lately paid close attention to the facial reactions of people when they here me say I'm fat or something along those lines. I know exactly what I am the good and the bad. I just realize that when I do get to the size I want to be that I will still be in this same body just not as wide and heavy; but ultimately it's still me with the same skin. Why not completely love who I am now and after the transformation?

I believe you can be confident without being cocky or conceited. I don't think I'm any better than anyone else I just appreciate myself which sets the bar for others who are in my life. When you allow anyone to enter your life you have to know who you are and what you expect from them. We are all architects of our own character, I say build you exactly the way you see fit and just like any other structure, people who are really interesting in getting in will find a doorway or a window.

Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon-Paul Brandt~~

It's Time!!!!

So I decided it's time. Time for what you might ask? Well it's time for a lot for me, but for starters it's time for me to move forward. I mean really let go of some negative people and things. By holding onto this negativity I've held myself back. You can never blame anyone but yourself for not moving forward. You know how I told you I was just stuck and afraid to fail so therefore I only did enough to get by. Change is not the easiest thing to handle. Sometimes I just feel alone. Alone to fight all these battles and conquer the world. I've armed myself with every tool I know so it's time to go out here and see what I'm capable of. The pains of life became too much for me to bare so I packed on the pounds so that I could hide from the world and ultimately myself.

There is nothing to fear but fear itself but sometimes I feel trapped by the poor decisions I made in the past and sometimes the present. I no longer want to be limited by my body or my thoughts of failure. The only failure I face now is the failure to not try. I used to be so worried about everyone not supporting me but as time has passed I've learned to be grateful for those that do and not worry about those that don't. Why wouldn't you want to see the next person succeed? What do you stand to gain in their failure? I know I'm cut from a different clothe and that doesn't mean I'm always right or perfect. I just recognize that the quickest way to be blessed in your own life is to first help someone else. Yes, I'm venting. I'm mad at myself for sabotaging my weightloss efforts and gaining 11 of those 30 pounds back. I'm disappointed also that there isn't enough support in "our community" for one another. Too much of the "crab" mentality. I'm not saying this applies to everyone I just want everyone, including myself to consider our actions and how we treat others.

Just like bugs at night that are drawn to the light I'm drawn to a higher calling and people that want something more in life and that have compassion and a willingness to help others. I'm done with foolishness, self-doubt, fear, and anything that inhibits me from living to my fullest potential. I want everyone to be successful if they are really trying, I want people to be more humane, I want to live in a society where people aren't killed for no apparent reason. Then, I realize that life is no fairytail and people including myself can only be who they truly are. We don't live in a perfect world or perfect bodies. We live with the opportunities that we create and the choices we make.

Success be it weight loss, career, family, or whatever you define success as is not given it is earned. I used to be so upset when I was told that I choose to be fat. Really? Yeah really! It's true, everyday that I choose not to eat right or exercise and care for my body I choose to be fat. It's a tough pill to swallow but I recognize that it's time to change again and I'm ready. I want more and you should too!!! It's time!!

I Know Exactly What I Want!!

I know I know, it's been over a week. Forgive me, things have been progressing really fast. There is a lot of growth happening in my life right now. I'm still battling back and forth with obesity but I've been winning more than loosing. I've decided that just like I wake up and brush my teeth and comb my hair or my wig (same difference, lmbo) I was going to start confirming everything God has promised me. You know how people say you stand on the word of God. Well just in case you may be a little confused, let me explain exactly what that means. Yeah we're going to church for a little while.

God is not a man that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? Numbers 23:19. The way you stand on the word is by quoting the scriptures and offering the word back to God. Of course God knows HIS word, but do you? I wake up with a level of expectancy everyday! It's no different from our own children. As parents they expect us to feed them, provide shelter for them, clothe them, and if they are doing what we ask and sometimes beyond we reward them with the things they ask for. So their needs and some of their wants are met. The same is true for God and we are His children. Amen!!

Whew! Okay, now that I have that out of the way, I've learned to be very specific and not so vague with what I ask for. I remember when I was younger I would ask for a boyfriend and sure enough that's what I got just a boyfriend. Then I grew a little more and I would ask for a car. You guessed it, that's exactly what I got. Just a car, well a lemon actually lol. Now that I know how to pray more effectively I've seen a major difference in my life. God is the author and finisher of my faith. However, He gave us all free will. A will to hope, believe, and ask for whatever our hearts desire. I wish I could help everyone reach this level. It feels simply amazing to walk under this light. I'm living proof that size doesn't matter. Let who you are shine through even when you feel dark or disappointed. There is something about perseverance and knowing exactly what you want in life that will make all the difference in your world. Stay encouraged and know Rome wasn't built over night!

A Gigantic Leap of Faith!!!

Faith is such a big word and yet many never stop to take in the full meaning of it. I've spoken with so many people lately that have desires to do more with their life but, like me at times they have put those desires on the back burner. For some it's because of their economic situation and for others it's simply fear of the unknown or the dreaded "what if". For me the definition that I like best is God's in the NIV of the bible "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." So with this description let's disect this. You have to be certain of what "it" is you want. I know it sounds simple huh? Not quite. See, if you send out mixed signals or ask for things that aren't quite clear that's exactly what you will get in return.

You can't fixate on the things that you want as a result of what you asking for. I know because that's exactly what I was doing. I knew what I wanted the end result to be "the benefits" that is, but that's not good enough to actually make it happen. Now being certain of what we do not see, simply use your imagination. As children we are taught to dream and imagine. As we become older we loose site of what dreaming does. Did you know that the brain can't tell the difference between reality and dreams? So why not start thinking outside the box or yourself to manifest some amazing things.

I can not believe everything that is in me! I mean really, I just can't believe it. I never would have thought in a million years that I Charmaine could break the addiction to food but here I am now feeling the best I've felt in almost 10 years and I'm only 32 lol! I didn't know that I had so many dreams, I mean I knew I had ambitions but the things that are starting to show up now are simply surprising. What's shocking me is that it was always there! I was just too scared to ever act on it. I've tested the water and now I'm jumping in head first. It feels good! It's funny how life can be sometimes, you hear all the time how we hold ourselves back. I had to completely rewire my brain and thoughts in order to realize exactly what I wanted in life and how to get it.

I've tried not to put too many irons in the fire as this is a very exciting time for me and I want to do it all! I'm calm and for the first time I'm watching everything I've painted come to life. Can you even imagine? I feel like I have a magic pencil and if I draw it comes to life. With that same pencil I've erased all the things from the past (they no longer count) and my future looks real bright. I'm taking gigantic leaps of faith and you should too! If you are not where you want to be in life or you don't have what you want or even need change your thoughts, take more chances, and step out on faith.

Mark Twain-"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

I crave writing to you all like this and I hope you missed me because I missed you, lol! I have so much to say today and I'm not sure where to start. I've had a lot of different things happen this past week. Okay first, I was getting up to take my dad to dialysis last week and boom, I fell! It didn't take me 5 seconds to get up off that hard concrete floor lol. But in those 5 seconds, something happened and I started laughing because normally I throw a pity party. You know, why me syndrome! This time on my way standing up I realized that in life you can fall down but it's what you do after the fall that makes the difference. I know I'm different, but I really had all that go through my mind at that time. I stumbled and tripped over something but I chose to laugh and at that moment I reminded the enemy that he may trip me up sometimes but I'm still going to land on my feet because they are planted firmly in the ground. Hold on, let me shout!!

Okay, now that I'm done with my praise dance let's get down to business. She (that would be me) has lost, drum roll please..............30 lbs!!!!!!! I promise you it's the hardest thing I've ever done and that includes giving birth naturally with no pain medicine (I know I'm pretty strong huh!). I still have a very lonnnnggg way to go but I was so happy to see that the small yet profound changes I have made are finally paying off. I am completely in love with myself lol!! I know it sounds so superficial and conceded but hey if you don't love yourself how can you expect anyone else too? I have a few all natural supplements that have changed my life and are really helping my efforts in burning fat. I'm no doctor so I can't officially give any medical advice and I won't, but if you are curious just email me and I'll divulge what's working for me.

I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and it feels strange. I feel like I'm discovering myself all over again. I've decided to dream with my eyes open this time. I've had them closed for too long. Afraid to live because I was afraid to be hurt or fail. I no longer have that fear. If they said it was impossible then I've proven them wrong. If they said I couldn't do it then they have been proven wrong as well. I have for my entire life taken what people "said I couldn't do" and did it. It's my M/O! It energizes me. I, along with many others who truly love me have said the only thing holding me back is my weight. Not anymore! I no longer will allow this weight to be a crutch of safety. I will simply achieve whatever goals I want to right now while I'm in the process to repositioning my life.

My entire life structure is changing. My thoughts are no longer the same. I'm a new creature emerging from the dust and mar. I've suited up for battle and I'm ready for war but this time I'm not fighting against myself. I'm fighting for myself! We all have dreams and ambitions I just hope you aren't sitting back waiting for "one day" to come. Make that day today and follow your passion or dream! I'll leave you with this quote from Albert Einstein "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Day 1- My Forever Starts Today!!

Okay, it's day 1 for me. Day 1 of what you might ask? I've started my life style change again. Not just weight loss, this time I've added a few more dreams and desires to the list. I'm always getting ready to get ready. I'm the most prepared person you will meet. Picture this, it's race day and I'm a horse (lol, I know). I've trained for months for this day, jumping hurdles, long hours, and building my strength and speed. I'm prepared right? Sure I am. It's the big day and the gates open and I never leave out. I can see all the other horses racing out the gates and running around the track but, I'm still here. Why? Why didn't I leave? Why am I still here waiting like the gates never opened?

This is the story of my life. I've prepared and set myself up for so much in life but I never get out of the gate. I had to realize that I'm the reason that my success or happiness has been halted. What am I so afraid of? You can't really be successful being fearful. I mean sure, you can be a little nervous but fearful is in a category of it's own. I'm learning day by day to never hold onto anything, even my dreams. I know it sounds strange.  People, including me are always saying hold onto your dreams. The quickest way to get anything in life is to let it go. It does you no good to hold onto anything especially a dream or desire. So with this in mind I've released my dreams and deepest hearts desire to see what it can bring me in life. Am I scared? Sure I am, but with my knees shaking and hands sweaty lol, I'm going to live out my desires.

I've had to stop haphazardly waiting for blessings that I "thought" I wanted; to just happen. I had really convinced myself that I had done everything right. When really I haven't been real clear on what exactly I want or how to get it. I knew what it would feel like when I received it. I was sure of this. I knew that I wanted to be happy and spread the happiness with everyone I could. I knew all of this, but what was it that I wanted to do? What exactly was going to bring me this happiness, wealth, and joy I sought? I had no idea and this is what happens to us all. We have no clarity on the desires of our heart and it's not good enough to just connect with the emotion and not have a clear vision of exactly what it will take to bring it to fruition.

You have to take the time to ask yourself, what do I really want in life? Am I really happy? What can bring me happiness? How can I start today making these things happen? What will it take? I got my notepad out and started writing and I came up with a pretty impressive list. I marked out the things that didn't coincide with where I'm going now in my life and I kept the things that did. I just think it's the perfect season to live out your hearts desires and personally I'm not getting any younger.  I don't want to be anyone else but me, Charmaine. I just want what I want, not anyone else's vision for their life just mines.

Richard Koch wrote: “Everything you want should be yours: the type of work you want; the relationships you need; the social, mental, and aesthetic stimulation that will make you happy and fulfilled; the money you require for the lifestyle that is appropriate to you; and any requirement that you may (or may not) have for achievement or service to others. If you don’t aim for it all, you’ll never get it all. To aim for it requires that you know what you want”

I've made it my business to know exactly what I want out of life and what steps it will take to achieve these things. I'm just a vessel and when I write like this it frees me; because I know somebody will read this and will be inspired to change their own world. My final quote is from Michael Jordan: "I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost more than 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life... and that is why I succeed."

 My Day 1 to my forever started today and yours can too!! Just get out of the gate and don't be afraid to run. It doesn't matter what place you come in as long as you are running!!

Where is My Motivation??

Today I needed a chauffeur, maid, chef, life coach, and husband. LOL!! I'm too tired. I suck it up and get it done though. Somewhere in between all those hats I wore today, I just wanted to forget about my weight loss goals and dive in head first to my first love FOOD! I got so frustrated I almost cursed myself out, lmbo. Those of you who have ever been on a diet know that you go through mood swings and some days you just don't want to hear the voice of reason. Well, I had one of those moments with myself.

Here's how the conversation almost went:

Self: You know you want something real good to eat tonight I'm tired of eating all this damn healthy food.

Inner Self: Yes I know you are but it's already starting to get warm and you have all those maxi dresses that you ordered four sizes too small for motivation.

Self: I don't give a damn about a dress right now or no damn heat this summer! I want some cookies.

Inner Self: You say that now but if you eat a bunch of stuff you know you shouldn’t right now you will have remorse when you’re done. I’m just trying to look out for the big picture here and that’s weight loss. Just hang in there.

Self: You get on my nerves always wanting me to eat right. Some chips and cheese dip want hurt us. I promise to only eat a few.

Inner Self: When have you only been able to eat a few damn chips, now you about to make me mad.

Self: Calm down! I’m not used to you getting upset with me. I’m just saying a little won’t hurt.

Inner Self: Okay maybe you should let me steer this ship until you get a little stronger.

Self: Okay!

LMBO!!!!  Those of you who have struggled with weight know exactly what I mean. Those conversations are real you have when breaking old habits. I won this battle and I will continue to win the ultimate battle of weight loss. I don’t know what about this time has been so different for me, maybe it’s the new opportunities that are opening up for me or could be that maybe just maybe I’m tired. Tired of being in a body I no longer recognize. I have too much to still accomplish to be plagued by something that I have control over. It’s in my blood to fight for a better life and greater possibilities. Stay motivated and encouraged it does get easier we just have to get through the rough patches. I have some motivating factors and I’ve created a vision board which helps me a lot. Nothing unrealistic but definitely worth the fight!

I'm Allergic to Morons!!!!

Most of you may not understand this post. Well, maybe you will because you may fit into one the roles, but I have to talk to my plus size women real quick because they will identify a little better. From my personal perspective I'm used to dating very handsome men, studs lol. Now, I am by no means bragging or judging anybody’s character based on their looks, but if you read further you will see where I'm going with this. I have since the beginning of my dating experience had females sometimes openly but mainly behind my back to others question; why the man I'm with would want a beautiful, intelligent, hard-working, charismatic, and outgoing woman who happens to very voluptuous and round.

                     

I know you all like how I did that (insert a side wink). I mean really, I feel it's my duty to help everyone out in this situation. Get ready to learn. I'm definitely a work in progress and it has truly been a journey for me. I was so close to making love to a double cheeseburger last night but I know that will not help my ultimate goal. I'm focused this time. I will soon be putting up tips and other things that are helping me just stay tuned. 

Okay back to these morons. Any individual has the right to choose who they won't to be with. Am I right? Well why is it such a shock that a good intelligent woman would snag an equally intelligent man who happens to look like he stepped out of a billboard sign? LOL, I'm exaggerating a little but you get the point (insert raised eyebrow). Stay in your lane and quit driving in mines. I know how to drive this racecar! Don't act like you've never seen an odd couple (drops the mic, I'm done lmbo).

Don't be a moron it stinks and I'm highly contagious. Seriously, it's best to be careful how you judge people and with me being a person who has been judged my whole life, I've taken my time to be more considerate of others. I by no means am perfect and I've been guilty of the same behavior. You all know I'm real and very candid. I’m glad that I’m able to see people and not always their circumstance. Jealousy is such an ugly trait and it doesn’t look good on me. I’m fat not blind! I see you whispering, but in my “Lil Wayne” voice “I’m Ray Charles to the B.S. So I put my big girl panties on (in more ways than one) and I put that smile on and give a little wink. I’m me, get over it and insert a side wink, lol!!!

The Rainbow!!!

Please forgive me. I know it's been a week since I last posted and for that I apologize. I have been very very busy, but I'm bacccccckk ( in my most annoying voice) lol.

Let me take this time to say thank you to Sherri Shepard for following and tweeting my blog. For those of you who don't know who Sherri is, you can find her every morning on "The View" as a co-host. Sherri, your support is greatly appreciated. To all my followers and readers in China, Africa, and across the globe thank you for taking the time to read and follow the blog. It truly means a lot to me!!

Now, let's get down to business. I will try to keep this short and not too long ( insert side wink). I've gone over it a million times and back whether I'm making the right decisions or if my expectations are too high. I've decided that I'm right on course and in fact have been selling my self short a little. I have heard a lot of people say that I'm too positive. Really?? Is there such a thing? I mean don't get me wrong, I'm very realistic but I know who I am and I know what I've been promised in this world. Now, with that being said no being has blocked any blessings from me but ME. I've stood in the way of a lot of promises and now that I'm slowly sliding out of the way, I'm seeing very clearly now that the goals that I had set for my life back in High School nearly 15 years ago are now being recognized.

Surprise Surprise, I'm finally at place that I was at years ago when I was too young not to dream. I think the older we become the less we are willing to dream and believe in the impossibilities of life. I had a really good friend of mines who with his permission has allowed me to share a brief conversation He and I had recently. As you all know I've started living outside the box again, taking risks, and breaking down the barriers of obesity within myself. I never knew that this would motivate so many people who don't have issues with weight. In a conversation with my friend, he was congratulating me on taking the first steps to improve my life and live out my dreams. He also informed me that by reading my blogs and book that he too started to go back and realize some of his life long dreams. He currently works as a Engineer for a major corporation and he makes a substantial amount of money. One of his dreams has been to be an Actor. With a little encouragement he finally took my advice and auditioned for several roles. Four weeks later with frustration starting to set in, he has landed his first walk on role on television (insert tears). I can not be happier for him!!

I told you all this story, because I too want to encourage you to dream again, step out on faith, and believe in the impossible. We had some major storms here recently but right after one in particular the sun started to peek out just a tiny bit and there it was. The Rainbow, so clear and beautiful and I felt that God had opened up the Heaven's just so I could experience and enjoy it. Sure I've seen Rainbows before but, there was something special about this one. Those of you who read the bible know the story of Noah's Ark, well God's promise to man not to ever destroy the world with rain again was sealed with a Rainbow.

So whenever I see a Rainbow it symbolizes God's promises to me. It heightened my awareness that after every storm no matter how many years you have to endure and go through it there is always a Rainbow or light at the end of the storm. I'm grateful for my Rainbow, but if I had not been outside to see it I would have missed it. You may not have gotten that. Let me break it down. See, we have many blessings that are right in front of us but we have to put ourselves in the position to receive them. Sometimes it's as simple as walking outside and looking up! I'm a dreamer and that's just me, simple and plain. What you do with your life is all in your hands. Step out and look up!!

Sleeping Beauty!!

Wow!! I've had so many epiphanies this week already I'm just trying to keep up with myself, lol.  It feels like I've been sleeping for the last 8 1/2 years. I feel alive again. Picture this; you know when someone is grasping for air and they are finally able to get enough wind in their lungs so they suck that air in and breathe again, That's Me right now!!

No I didn't prick my finger on a spinning wheel lol, but I had allowed life to take every bit of sunshine I had in me away. Every year it felt like I was getting beat up over and over again. Nothing was going right. Two steps forward and ten back. Pound after pound being added to my body. I shut down. I was going through the motions of life almost like a wave, wherever it took me that's where I was going. No paddle in my hands just drifting. Doing what I had to do, work, taking care of my daughter, parents, and friends. Everyone but me. I didn't want to really talk to anyone. I was closed in and short. On the surface you would have never known. Hell, quite honestly I didn't even know. It wasn't until my mother who has a Master's in Counseling said to me; you are depressed. Depressed!!! Who? Me? Naw, not I lol. The truth is, I was.

Saddened by the cards I felt life had dealt me. Starting from a broken marriage and the reality of realizing you married the wrong man. Only to find out a few years later that even that pain couldn't match the death of losing a best friend. Not just a friend, but Te'Aisha could tell you what I was thinking from the way I looked lol and vice versa. I was angry, hurt, bitter, devastated, and every other word that matches the feelings of death and abandonment. She was gone (insert a few tears), but then I thought how can I honor her in my life? The only thing I could think of, was LIVE.

It still took me another 5 long years to get to where I am now. I'm no longer looking at the time it took to get here, I'm just glad I made it!! I Made It!!! I can't fully illustrate what it feels like to breathe again when you have purposely made yourself invisible. I cut my own windpipe, I'll admit it now (not literally I was depressed not suicidal). That's why perception and perspective is such a big deal to me. I've travelled on the bus to hell and didn't realize I gave the devil the key. I didn't knowingly do this. I just thought it was a part of life but I have slowly started taking my life back realizing that God gave me the strength and power to overcome every demon in my life. No weapon formed against me will EVER prosper!! Now go back and read that sentence again and this time say it out loud and mean it.

I've grown spiritually and I know how to speak life into dead situations now. I've learned my strength and I've found my courage. I'm letting go of the pounds that life's destruction had added to me (I allowed it). I'm a new creature and you will soon see that but until then it doesn't have to be weight it could be anything you are facing. Those situations are small compared to the strength that you have within you. Never allow life to steal and rob from you your dreams and aspirations!! I've found my wind again and don't plan on ever letting it go! To infinity and beyond (In my Buzz Lightyear voice)!!!! :)

Change Gone Come!

One of my favorite oldies but goodies is Sam Cooke's "A Change Gonna Come". What is change? Well Webster dictionary gives many definitions of change. The one that I liked the most was, "To become radically different." Every day for me right now is a new awakening. What will it take to make you truly happy? Is it realistic? Are you challenging yourself to do more, be more, and aspire for more? These are my daily questions to myself. I want my life to be an example. An example of what care and love of yourself and others can give you.

I'm inspired and motivated to see what the future holds and for me I'm glad we still live in a world where it's okay to dream. I know what it will take for me to start to see change in my life. It wasn’t always easy for me but I have realized that I deserve all things good and instead of waiting for these things to “just” happen, I’m taking charge and putting in place the first steps. After all that’s all God said we had to do. Step out on faith and chase not run after what you want in life. The one thing that always held me back was fear. It’s ultimately the reason why I put on so much weight. Fear of so many things. Like not being good enough and failing. What if I just didn’t have what it takes?

Now I’ve let go of the fear and for the first time I feel like I’m soaring! It’s amazing how we all block so many of our own blessings by not being willing to at least try. I don’t care now if I fail, well not like I used to (insert side wink) lol. No one likes failing but I’d rather fail now, than to have never tried. I’m done with should of, could of, and would of, of life. How bad do you want it Charmaine? A change gonna come. Sure it’s bad English, but it’s real. Change is inevitable and I’d like to think I have a part in the positive changes in my life and rather than sit on the sidelines of life waiting for the coach to put me in the game, I’m putting myself in. No tag you’re it. I just decided to be a part of my own life and create some of the circumstances I want.

The last verse of Sam Cooke’s song is:

“There been times that I thought I couldn't last for long
But now I think I'm able to carry on
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will”

Change is going to happen, but you are the captain of the ship. Steer it in the direction you want!

Trapped!

Today is a blah day for me. It seems lately I've been on an emotional roller coaster. Up, then down and sometimes somewhere in between. I feel trapped! Trapped in a body I know longer recognize, trapped in a town that has no purpose for me, and trapped by my feelings of inadequateness. LOL, I know I'm deep today. This bog is like my open diary. Can you identify? Have you ever felt trapped? 

Explore with me for a minute and let's dissect why I feel trapped. Ever felt like you were on the verge of something phenomenal and life altering; but you weren't quite sure exactly what it is? That's where I am now. Trapped. LOL, at this point I know you are like, if she says "trapped" one more time! I'll try not too.

Life has many doorways and I tell people all the time there is more than one way to do or see anything. I'm all about self motivation and turning negative emotions into tools that can create the life we all desire. Even as I write this, my mood and emotions are changing. You can have those feelings of seclusion, uncertainty, and abandonment but never own it! I never take full ownership of things that don't help or encouragement me and you shouldn't either. We all have things that we are working to improve and sometimes those goals get the best of us. For me, I'm always looking at the bottom line or the finish goal. I'm learning to just focus on the now and not worry about the outcome until it gets here. I'm trying to cross each bridge individually.

God never promised us that it would be easy but it will be worth it. Worth the tears, worth the effort, worth the sweat (insert side eye), and finally worth the life we dream of! We all get down, but how do you turn that around? You turn that negative energy into motivation. Motivation to go get the things you want and desire out of life. Now, I'm really trapped. Trapped by motivation, inspiration, and a need to help and encourage you all! Who said the sky is the limit? I'm shooting towards the moon!!!

Exercise Maine's Way!! Am I Crazy? LOL!

Today's blog will probably make you scream in laughter, so I have to first say you are welcome for this gut buster. So if you didn't know by now I'm just a little.....tiny bit crazy, LOL. I have to stop telling on myself like this, but oh well. So for me losing weight and exercise is a mental thing. I have to get past so many different road blocks in my head. I realized just how bad it had gotten the other day when I decided to workout. I hate to go walking because I like to stay close to a bench or somewhere I can sit if I get tired LOL. I know it defeats the purpose but HEY, it is what it is LOL.

My fear is that I will get too far from home and won't be able to get back just out of pure exhaustion LOL! So I was at the doctor with my dad and I knew we were going to be there for a while and right across from where I was parked was a gym and a walking trail. After sitting there for what seemed like forever watching everyone else walk on this trail I said to myself; self get up and go for a little walk. I immediately decided that it would just be best to watch everyone else, LMBO!!! In all fairness I didn’t know how long the trail was and where I was parked I could not see it. There was no way in hell I was going to start walking and not see a bench, some kind of chair, tree stump, or something to just sit on! LMBO!!

So I’m thinking, you can’t just sit here, do something! This is when I decided to just walk around my truck LMBO! Listen, I know it’s crazy but if I got tired at least I could just jump back in the truck. Not only that I walked around that truck in a circle for almost 30 minutes, LOL! I’m very proud of myself. Were people staring? Of course they were! Did I care? Ummm..let me think, NO! I even had one man ask me was I okay? After explaining to him what I was doing and why we both had a good laugh and he said well that’s not a bad idea.

At the end of the day you have to do what’s best for you. I don’t conform to the ideas of what “society” deems normal or standard. I do me! You have to be willing to do the same. Sure, I plan to be able to get past this mental road block soon, but until then whatever it takes for ME, that’s exactly what I plan to do. Am I a little insane? Sure I am, but more importantly I recognize it and
I’m working on it! LOL. Never be afraid to step out and be different. Be you, because everyone else is taken!

So, I'm Not Superwoman??

Today I had an epiphany, maybe this S I had painted on my chest and the invisible cape I've been wearing isn't real. Could it be that I'm not Superwoman? I mean, you can imagine my shock to find out I'm not some superhero! LOL, but seriously I finally realized that maybe I have too much on plate. What do I let go of? How do I make time for me when my schedule is so demanding? How can I focus on myself when so many people need me? These are all questions that I had today.

I stopped and collected myself and then realized that I had to let something go and I had to gain something else and that's peace of mind. Sometimes in life we have hard decisions to make. If we don't take care of ourselves how can we be any good to anyone else? I'm doing me, for the first time in my life. Not worried about anyone else's opinion or what they have to say. Just me! Me, me, me, me! I know it sounds selfish huh? Well, at this point in my life I deserve it. The funny thing is that even when I get to this point, I'm still not totally focusing on myself but boy it sure sounds good, lol!

I've learned to find the balance of life. Everyday is a new lesson for me. I'm constantly growing and experiencing new things about myself and the world around me. No, I'm not superwoman. Although, sometimes I take on that role. Today, I quietly hung up my cape and put on my jeans. I'm human, simple and plain. I'm marching to the beat of my own drum and I like the way the rhythm feels!! You should try it!

UUUHHH!! They Just Don't Get It!! :(

Today the last thing I wanted to do was lose weight and I didn't even think about it. Uhhhhh, is the only way I could effectively describe my frustration. So all of those negative emotions of "why me" set in and before I knew it, I was throwing one of those pity parties lol. The hardest thing that I have found on this journey and this is so shocking for most people to believe, is eating more to lose weight. Really, whoever wrote the rules for weight loss I need to talk to them (insert side eye). It's true though, the best way to lose weight is to eat six small meals a day. So after being tired of trying, I indulged myself with a few chocolate chip cookies and a milkshake. I could almost hear the angels singing it tasted so good. Remember, I told you that food and I had a love affair, well the flame was sparked again during that great indulgence.

Then something hit me!!! Oh No!!! Somewhere between those last few sips something went off in my brain. I heard that little voice, that was like "oh no girl what did you just do?" Like I said before it's okay in moderation, but for me this little slip could have sent me back over the edge. Food is the worst addiction in my opinion. Alcoholics don't have to have alcohol to live but you have to eat to keep on breathing lol. I'm okay now, because I've learned that one little slip doesn't mean that I have to keep driving off the cliff. I know now to just back the car up and get back on track and that's exactly what I did.

I have an array of friends and I love them all. In a conversation with one friend (who has never seen a size 6 in her life lol). I mean she has always been a size 2.  I was explaining the ups and downs, the mood swings you experience, and hell quite honestly the withdrawals you go through. Here comes the, "did she just say that" moment. She said I don't understand why you just don't lose the weight and be done with it. LMBO!! I hollered, sorry it was too funny to me, because I realized she just didn't get it. You can't explain what it's like to be blind if you've never been blind!! After explaining to her what it's like by giving her some examples of trials she's had to face, she completely identified then. Education is the key and I'm the lock. I'm armed and equipped with all the tools to teach and change the minds of so many about a disease they clearly know nothing about. Some people just don't get it!!

The morale of the story doesn't just apply to weight loss, it applies to all areas of life. You can fall, but while you are down there don't make a bed and get comfortable. Dust yourself off and get up and try again!! That's how you win in life!!

Misconceptions!!! Did he just say that?!?

This a PSA: Overweight, plus size, big-boned(lol had to put that one in there) or fat does not = DESPERATE!!! This is becoming an epidemic people lmbo.  I mean if you see me somewhere and you can see the sign on my forehead that reads; please if you have no job, stay with your best friends cousins uncle lol, have no means of transportation, can't talk in complete sentences, and finally expects me to pick you up when we go out. Please and I do mean please come by and slap me and take the sign off! I will completely understand if you explain yourself first, this is very important because I have serious reflexes lmbo.

Here lately I have been emitting the wrong vibes out into the universe, this has to be the problem. I actually had a conversation with a guy today who after I completely shut him down was appalled that I didn't want to be bothered by his ridiculous antics. I guess he was appalled because me, being clearly overweight should be happy that anyone is wanting to be with me, lol this was too funny.  However, the conversation turned more serious when he had a couple of questions to ask me. First, he wanted to know was I seeing anyone else, because surely if I didn't want his sorry behind then I must be with someone (insert side eye here) lol. Finally, what should have been the first question he asked me was, why I don't want to at least give him a try. I kindly told him because two years from now after he's fallen madly in love with me, I don't want to be in divorce court again. LMBO!!! All he could do was laugh and say okay.

I've settled before and I think we all have at some point. I'm divorced, but I married the wrong man because I had convinced myself that no one else would love me like him. Wrong. I was young and didn't really know what I was doing I only thought I did, but I learned a lot from that situation and that is always and I do mean always go with your gut feeling. I knew deep down that he wasn't the man for me and after being in an abusive and adulterous marriage I realized then, I have to trust my instincts more.

Okay moving right along. One tip for the BG's (Big Girls) I actually had shirts made in college that said the BG's lol. Okay, back to the advice: If a man says that he only dates big girls, run like hell! I have always been leery of people who are so closed minded, because in my personal opinion when I hear this the red flags go up. There is some insecurity somewhere and some men date big girls because they feel they won't leave them or no one else wants them, so they have a little puppet. Now, in all fairness I have met some men where they are just attracted to larger women and hey I can't judge, cause you like what you like (insert side wink).  :)!

I am by no means rude or too picky but I know my worth and that doesn't matter if I was skinny, thick, or somewhere in between. Knowing what you offer and not being willing to settle is one way you love yourself. I love me too much to constantly compromise and give up on what I want in life because of some fat and extra weight. I'm not materialistic and yes I have dated the fry cook at some fast food restaurants so that doesn't matter either, well (clears throat) you know what I mean lol.  I'm thoroughly convinced that the man that God has ordained for me is somewhere patiently waiting on me as well. Until he gets here, I have no problem with telling Mr. Wrong that I don't need his time because I'm not lonely or desperate. We don't have to settle because we're fat, it's all just a misconception!

Who Have You Inspired?!?

There is so much happening in our world today. So many people experiencing so much tragedy, struggle, and strife. I'm very sensitive to the needs and feelings of others so I find myself praying a lot. However, this has also heightened my awareness to the small but powerful blessings and miracles that I see and experience everyday. Angels show up in the strangest places sometimes. Today I was fortunate enough to take my dad to the doctor. While I was there waiting for him to finish up, a very nice elderly man sat next to me and started a conversation.

About an hour had passed and we were still waiting, he was waiting on his wife and I was waiting on my dad. Somewhere after me learning his family history and about his children and grand kids he said something to me that I will carry forever.  He leaned over and said God sees you and what you are doing. I was taken back for a moment not sure what he was actually saying. Then he said you will be blessed. Sure, I've had people tell me this before but not like this. What was it about this man who so easily opened his world up to me, a stranger? I got up to see if my dad was ready and just like that he was gone.

Yes, his wife could have been ready and they left without me noticing, is it possible? Sure, but highly unlikely. What am I suggesting? That when we allow ourselves to open up our world to new people and experiences sometimes that's all that is needed for us to blessed emotionally and spiritually. I've learned so much about life this way and how to find the smallest thing and be grateful for that.

Today I didn't feel fat, I felt free. Free to dream, free to believe that I can have whatever and be whatever, free to experience life, and free to love and be loved!! I open up my world to people everyday so that I'm not the only one experiencing this freedom and joy! So many people have asked me what is the meaning of love. I can only offer my definition. Love is the selfless act of putting someone Else's needs, feelings, and well-being before your own. Love to me, is pure and selfless. So my questions to you are; who are you loving today and whose life have you touched on this journey? Just food for thought. You will be amazed at how easy it is to inspire or spark life in someones situation. :)

The Sugar Demons!!!

So I'm thoroughly convinced that sugar comes from the devil himself and all the cakes, cheesecakes, cookies, pies and candy are his minions. LMBO, but seriously I would have to say that is my biggest weakness. You can have all the other extra stuff but put some cheesecake in front of me and it's pretty much a wrap.

LOL, food and I used to have a love affair, a very deep relationship. Why do we identify with the things that cause us harm?  Well, it's no different from people who are abused and how they continue to find themselves in abusive relationships. You have to identify why the things that are bad for you feel good, cozy, and comfortable to you. For me, I'm a self-identified emotional eater. So I can be happy, mad, sad, angry, or anxious and I eat. Normally it's something sweet when I'm bored or angry and I'm bored most of the time, so what does this tell you? Yep, you guessed it, I keep something sweet on deck.

I am learning how to replace that need for sweets with some sugar free snacks. I've had to find other activities that take my focus off those cravings. People say it's okay in moderation but when you are first starting out, I think for me it's best that I just skip it completely. Why, you may ask? Well, would you bring crack around a crackhead (again no offense to anyone on drugs) NO you wouldn't; therefore it's best that I just stay away until I get this demon under control lol.

I feel like Kevin Hart, laugh at my pain. I've learned to find light in dark places. Life wasn't made to be perfect and none of us are. It's all about your perception to certain things. I don't care if you are skinny, fat, tall, short, or somewhere in between we all have something. The difference is when you are overweight people can see your something a little better. I'm creating the life I want. God gave us the canvas, paint, and brush.  The question is now, what are you going to draw?

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly and Diabetes!

Like I said before not everything in this blog will be about me being fat and today is one of those days. I guess for you to fully understand this blog post I have to give you a little back ground information. Diabetes runs on both sides of my family and while I am obese I have been blessed so far not to develop the disease. However, both of my parents are serious diabetics and I've watched it slowly take its toll on their bodies. So a day to day basis pretty much consists of me caring for my parents, working, and raising my daughter. LOL, I'm tired just typing it all! My father is a bilateral amputee (no legs) and is on dialysis. My mother has all her limbs but her mobility and eyesight have slowly declined. Okay, so where am I going with this....you will see.

I'm a night owl naturally so a typical bedtime for me is around 1:00 a.m, no matter what lol. It just so happened last night I was a little tired and went to bed around 10:30 p.m. Around 12:45 a.m I get a call on my cell phone and it's my mom saying she needs to go the emergency room. I've gotten enough of these calls in the past to know not to panic. So I jump up and spring into action. She hadn't been feeling good for like a week and we had been to the doctor for antibiotics and such. So we get to the E.R and she just had a little too much fluid on her body so two hours later and a few lasix and she was feeling better. Still recovering from Shingles though. Shingles is almost like chickenpox but more painful and only affects a small portion of the body and isn't contagious unless you get that blister juice on ya lmbo.

So we finally make it back home around 3:30 a.m and I'm tired, but functioning. It wouldn't be so bad but dad has dialysis at 6:15 a.m three days a week and this just happens to be the morning he has it lol. So up and at em' I go again back and forth. It's like they play tag sometimes lol. I love them both and I'm really glad that I'm in the position to care for them. Do I get tired heck Yes!!! Is it worth the effort Hell Yes!! LOL!

I said today wouldn't be about me being fat. I Lied!! With all that I have seen my parents endure you would think that would be enough for me to say the Hell with bad eating habits and hello to a healthy lifestyle. Here comes my moment of truth: "Hello my name is Charmaine and I'm addicted to food. There I said it. Do I feel good about it NO, do I want to change YES, am I making changes Absolutely. For the first time in my life, I'm holding myself accountable for my poor eating habits and I'm taking back what I gave away and that's my life! Stay tuned there is more to come!

Let the Saga Begin!!

So I've mulled it over in my head many times whether this should be a book or blog. So here we are, let my therapy session start. I've always said that for me the greatest expression of healing is writing. Although, I must say anyone who knows me, knows that I love to talk! This blog won't be all about me being fat. It's about my interpretation to life and how I see things. This is my journey, my story, my struggle, and ultimately my triumph. Memoirs of a fat chick is about my life past, present, and future. I want to tell my story in hopes that someone who reads it will find inspiration.

Okay so where do I start. From my earliest memory I was "different" lol. Yes I have a sense of humor that you will see from time to time. I remember being in Kindergarten and although I wasn't fat then I was definitely the tallest in my class and boy did those kids make me pay for it. Taunting and making me feel like a circus freak( no offense to the circus people :) and to no avail I would go home crying to my mom everyday. My mom is one of those superwomen and not because she's my mom and I love her but because even to this day I can't match her parental skills. She juggled a full-time job, husband, and three kids with so much grace and skill. Okay so back to my point, my mom worked as a librarian at the time and she would always bring me material to read about self-esteem and how to get through the rough patches. I was only five but wise beyond my years and it stuck with me. This is where I learned to love myself no matter what ANYBODY thought, simply put I was me and if you didn't like me that was your problem not mines.

Needless to say I became a little too comfortable with myself lol. I continued to grow up and out. I've always been plus size. In all fairness what they consider thick now I was that in the 8th grade but back in 94-95 that was fat. The teasing was real in Junior High then too, but by this time my mom had conditioned me so that I knew what peer pressure was and I was sure of who I was. I had plenty of friends growing up and although I wasn't the "it" girl I was friends with them lol. God blessed me in that way and I had really great friends in my life who didn't care about the extra weight I was packing or what taunts I may have received.

Now by all means let me say this, I never had a problem dating. I had and have the same problem a lot of girls and women have and that's finding the "Right" guy for me. Yes, I was and am fat lol. Something I can definitely smile about now, but it wasn't like the experience that others may have had, men have always found me attractive but whether I should have dated some I'm not sure about that ;). It's all a matter of preference. This blog is about being you and being happy in the skin you are in. I'm definitely not promoting obesity because I'm currently working on resolving my issues with weight. This is my journey to change my life and offer hope to yours.

I learned a long time ago to be happy with where I am and if I'm not happy then do something about it. That is where I am in life. I want to see changes for a better life for myself, my daughter, my entire family and finally for YOU. Though it will be funny at times these stories that you read about my journey are real. This is Memoirs of a Fat Chick get ready to learn, laugh, cry, and experience life with me!!!