Sleeping Beauty!!

Wow!! I've had so many epiphanies this week already I'm just trying to keep up with myself, lol.  It feels like I've been sleeping for the last 8 1/2 years. I feel alive again. Picture this; you know when someone is grasping for air and they are finally able to get enough wind in their lungs so they suck that air in and breathe again, That's Me right now!!

No I didn't prick my finger on a spinning wheel lol, but I had allowed life to take every bit of sunshine I had in me away. Every year it felt like I was getting beat up over and over again. Nothing was going right. Two steps forward and ten back. Pound after pound being added to my body. I shut down. I was going through the motions of life almost like a wave, wherever it took me that's where I was going. No paddle in my hands just drifting. Doing what I had to do, work, taking care of my daughter, parents, and friends. Everyone but me. I didn't want to really talk to anyone. I was closed in and short. On the surface you would have never known. Hell, quite honestly I didn't even know. It wasn't until my mother who has a Master's in Counseling said to me; you are depressed. Depressed!!! Who? Me? Naw, not I lol. The truth is, I was.

Saddened by the cards I felt life had dealt me. Starting from a broken marriage and the reality of realizing you married the wrong man. Only to find out a few years later that even that pain couldn't match the death of losing a best friend. Not just a friend, but Te'Aisha could tell you what I was thinking from the way I looked lol and vice versa. I was angry, hurt, bitter, devastated, and every other word that matches the feelings of death and abandonment. She was gone (insert a few tears), but then I thought how can I honor her in my life? The only thing I could think of, was LIVE.

It still took me another 5 long years to get to where I am now. I'm no longer looking at the time it took to get here, I'm just glad I made it!! I Made It!!! I can't fully illustrate what it feels like to breathe again when you have purposely made yourself invisible. I cut my own windpipe, I'll admit it now (not literally I was depressed not suicidal). That's why perception and perspective is such a big deal to me. I've travelled on the bus to hell and didn't realize I gave the devil the key. I didn't knowingly do this. I just thought it was a part of life but I have slowly started taking my life back realizing that God gave me the strength and power to overcome every demon in my life. No weapon formed against me will EVER prosper!! Now go back and read that sentence again and this time say it out loud and mean it.

I've grown spiritually and I know how to speak life into dead situations now. I've learned my strength and I've found my courage. I'm letting go of the pounds that life's destruction had added to me (I allowed it). I'm a new creature and you will soon see that but until then it doesn't have to be weight it could be anything you are facing. Those situations are small compared to the strength that you have within you. Never allow life to steal and rob from you your dreams and aspirations!! I've found my wind again and don't plan on ever letting it go! To infinity and beyond (In my Buzz Lightyear voice)!!!! :)